Eloquence
by oozorawesomeREIJI
Summary: Oneshot. TFA. Starscream writes a detailed hate letter to Megatron, with several interruptions. Implied slash, craaaaack.


Reiji presents to you uhm...DeepInThought!Starscream who abuses asterisks because, duh, it's _Starscream_ and _Starscream_ does whatever he frickin' wants. Written on sugar crash at 12 in the morning while listening to Caramelldansen and Ristaccia. Of course I get high, crash, and then end up writing Starscream POV. Totally a logical way to end my day. Enjoy Starscream ranting! Implied StarscreamMegatron, as the absolute _eloquence_ of my summary suggests. Each asterisk represents a slashy moment, or something along those lines. Starscream can explain.

Did you know that Caramelldansen is awesome?

...so crap, am I subconsciously writing some sort of thing that's kind of like, uh, _vaaaaaaaaguely_ slashy?! Without even being bribed?? Oops. I should be studying for my finals, but hey, _writing from a prompt here_ will help with English. -snerk-

Dedicated to you know who you are. lessthanthree~

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**Eloquence**

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Dear [Lord/Glorious/My Hero/_You Slagging Slagger_] Megatron,

I slagging hate you. Of course, if this weren't already obvious, you'd have to have at least three more malfunctions to add to your already quite shocking repertoire. However, I _don't care_, because this letter is about _me_ and why _I_ hate _you_. Primus, I'm _so _charming, wouldn't you agree?

_No_, I'm not _defecting_, for the love of – stop trying to _read_ what I'm writing here! There's _no one else_. Ooh, are you _jealous_?! That _is_ rather delicious. Who do you think it is, then?

Now.

Would you like to know _why I hate you_?!

*** These asterisks are here to replace any possible violence (also, perhaps interfacing, with awkward screeching noises, _Primus_) that may have occurred in the orbital cycle between the start of this letter and now. Or maybe I was in stasis.

Before I was so rudely interrupted – yes, you slagger, I _enjoyed it_, stop _asking_ – I believe I was at the beginning of my list. Let's count down. No, it's not _dirty_, because, _unlike_ _you_, I am the pinnacle of perfection, so thoughts like these would never cross my mind – and interfacing has _nothing to do _with why I hate you. In fact, interfacing – no, I'll keep that in my processor. I'm not sharing it with you. Go away. _Slag_.

**************************************************

***

************************************************************************************************** I'm not even going to explain this. You can _figure it out_.

...

***** _Fine_, each of them represents a time during which I screamed some sort of... _nonsense_. ...Like "_SLAG, I HATE YOU_," which would count as one. Yes, I _counted_, because obviously _you_ didn't.

..._Stop touching my wings_; they're private and, more importantly, they're _mine_. Furthermore, I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd stop attempting to _read_ my _hate letter_ that's addressed _to you_. Is there really no such thing as privacy? Despite the fact that I'm not writing this in my room, you'd think that perhaps the fact that I'm not _talking to you_ would be some sort of _sign_ to _leave me alone_. Primus, that's another thing to add to the list.

So, _glorious Megatron_, this is why I hate you (I attempted to gather a list of the top twenty, so you may see that the third time you dropped me into that slagging _river_ is missing; however I most assuredly hate you for it):

twenty: You're sort of _fat_ and this makes me look bad because I'm _not _fat which makes it difficult to even see why I ended up _interfacing_ with you.

nineteen: Your _voice_ is _disturbing_ – why the slag does it make my processor short circuit?! That's laughably_ unfunny_. And it's _terrifying_ how easily influenced I am when your voice is like _that_.

_STOP TRYING TO SEE WHAT I'M WRITING! _

I'm just going to _leave_.

You know, it's absolutely astounding that I haven't spoken a word out loud for... approximately five cycles. Primus, letter writing is _amazing_.

******

... ... ...

******

All right, you've managed to get eight more _incoherent_ sentences out of my mouth. Thank you. It was completely unnecessary. I didn't know you were so worried about the possibility of my losing my capability of speech. Did you enjoy hearing my voice again? Get out of my room.

I'm almost _surprised_ that you followed me here. How the slag did you manage to fit through the door?

eighteen: You insist on interrupting my letter writing _solace_. What do you mean, that's hardly a reason to hate you?! _I'm _writing the letter.

seventeen: You destroyed _all_ of my backup bodies! _Slagger_. Two cycles of consideration and button pressing... gone....

sixteen: I think you _cheated_ on me. Or, as you put it, "made more conquests."

fifteen: The first time you dropped me into the river. The metal still _smarts_, you slagger.

fourteen: You humiliate me in front of _everyone_.

thirteen: If I didn't hate you, the allure of our corrupt relationship would _die_, because you don't offer anything particularly interesting.

twelve: You gave me a _yellow _dress. I don't think yellow goes well with _magenta_.

eleven: You're _taller_ than me. It makes me feel _short_. I swear to Primus you like making me feel inferior.

ten: Why do you refuse to accept the truth? Just _admit_ that I am superior in _every way_. No, that won't stop me from _hating _you, but it could be a start to a _wonderful_ new way of existence.

nine: It's _magenta_, not _pink_.

eight: You never _listen_ to me! I'm not _whining_, I'm merely _issuing complaints_.

seven: You seem to be under the impression that you're better at seduction than yours truly. That's an _impossibility_.

six: _Why_ didn't you stay **OFFLINE** when the bomb went off?! I'm _still disappointed_. It broke my Spark when I saw that you were back. What were you _thinking_?

five: Why can't _I_ be the leader of the Decepticons? I'm _clearly_ the more charismatic of the two of us. Wouldn't the... oh, 79873294 (to the power of twenty-eight thousand, of course) times I've tried to kill you be evidence enough? The squishy Earth organics think I'm better.

four: ******************!!!!!!! I lied about interfacing not being on the list. And was taking another _four megacycles_ to prove this _necessary_?

three: You _laugh_ at _me_. I'm not _that amusing_.

two: Primus, you never leave me _alone_.

one: You smile. Too. _Slagging_. _**Much**_.

_---L-------o--V----E------_

I slagging _hate _you,

_STArscREam_ [with several unneeded flourishes]

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**Total time wasted: **

**Thirty-five hours and ten minutes.**

---  
Starscream tried to cross that "love" out, btw.  
Hope you liked it! Man, this is what it means to have fun writing ^^


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